**The following is a reply to an email I received somewhat recently from a slightly disturbed individual in regards to the DEATH COMEDY JAM section here at the humorcafe. His letter appears here in its entirety for the most part. I only edited out the 'UC' in the word 'F**K', for U C, I am sure that his Lord and Savior would not approve. I also very craftily altered his email address to discourage anyone from writing him a reply letter. My own reply was sent back to Mr. Davis and the only change in that one is the added afterthoughts in red.

YOU WROTE:

-----Original Message-----
From: Martin Davis [mailto:(lastname)8974@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Sunday, September 21, 2003 9:12 PM
To: webmaster@(thisdomain).com
Subject: YOU

YOU MOTHER F**KER'S NEED TO BE PUT OUT OF THIS WORLD YOU BELONG TO THE DEVIL IN HELL AND I HOPE THAT'S WHERE YOU GO WHEN THIS LIFE IS OVER YOUR WEB PAGE ON DEATH IS AS F**KED UP AS THE PERSON ( THE DEVIL ) WHO WORTE IT SO F**K YOU

I REPLY:

Dearest Martin Davis,
Wow, You must be a christian (note lower case 'c' on the word christian which denotes a lack of respect for your ilk),(Afterthought: Perhaps it was wrong of me to speak ill of all christians for the moronic behavior of just one of their sheep. I sincerely apologize.). Hope you get some help with that anger management issue your suffering from. I am considering where I will post your letter and/or email address on my website as you must have clearly read the disclaimer which gives me the right to post anything submitted to me through my comments form.
 
I wonder if you very often leave off with any attempt at punctuation during moments of nearly psychotic episodes. How utterly difficult it must be for you to get a point across. I picture you in your demented state of spastic anger flinging slobber all about as you scream your 'terrets syndrome' like rantings at the universe. You probably think your (NOTE: your is sometimes you're. Stupid spell checker!) pretty important and it is your duty to save the universe from frying in the fires of hell. I am sure I will see you there.
 
As for the context of your letter I should only like to remind you that Jesus loves you Martin Davis a.k.a (lastname)8974 @ sbcglobal.net, though not probably in the way your father did, nor in the way the preacher did when you were in the choir, but he loves you none the less.

See Ya In Da Funny Papers!!!  

Signed

 ( The Devil )

 P.S. Please be advised that in any future responses to me on this matter also carry the possibility of being posted to my website. I look forward to your speedy recovery from lunacy.

P.S.S. WORTE?

*** I do so Hope Mr. Davis writes me back, I have every confidence that he is a good upstanding god fearing man, and I long for his repeat correspondence. He is so eloquent and soft spoken, just a joy of conversation.

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