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In Other News

Beijing to Broadcast Uncensored Olympics in 2008
(7/20/01 - Diego Frenzy)

In a move that startled PRC hardliners and red communists everywhere, the Chinese Olympic Committee proposed broadcasting the games live on national television for the upcoming 2008 games.  In the past, the COC has shown only edited tapes of previous competitions.  The present proposal would radically change the status quo of using pirated computer graphics to digitally enhance the Chinese competitors.


China grabs gold at last Olympics.

For the games in Atlanta in 1996, most of the Chinese populace remembers Dao Shiulang, the Fukienese marathon runner who not only beat the running dogs of imperialism but also the French team that came in a close second, and who went on to win seventeen gold medals in track, field, and downhill slalom, all in the same uniform.  The red and yellow uniform is now retired and hangs above the prison where Dao was later interrogated and beaten to death by the officials claiming he was a spy upon his return from the United States.


(Insert Name),  third from left, is nearly caught adjusting his crotch. He was later put to death.

The Friday vote by the COC may have assured outside committees from European and continental concerns, but it left potential future participants from the Chinese provinces in a quandary.

"They say we must win, especially at softball," seven year-old Xin Lonjiun, an up and coming star of over handed pitching, was quoted as by our staff translator from Berkeley.

"Of course, I will try my best.  My good friend was not good enough to make the team, so the coach cut off her arms and legs, and is kind enough to let her play second base.  She encourages me every day."

If Xin is fortunate enough to make the final cut, she will be welcomed to the gated community of professional athletes from the age of twelve to sixteen.  No cameras or foreign journalists have been allowed into the compound referred to as the Forbidden City.

Broadcasting live also means that the voiceovers will be gone; in the past sound clips of Chairman Mao and Chairman Deng were played during crucial moments of the games, rallying the airbrushed athletes with such cries as "Get One for Me!" and "Never Fail to Do Your Best!"

On the right you will see members of the PRC Bouquet binding team from the last Olympics paying homage to international star Gene Siskel. The attribute there gold medals to his fine tutelage. Mr. Siskel was a huge Martha Stewart Fan.

In a side note, Chinese nationals living abroad should be careful if they plan to go back to the Motherland for the glorious event because bad children are rarely forgiven by mother: Chinese citizens who attend the ceremonies will be mandatorily fitted with earpieces so that foreign propaganda will not soil their minds with its filth, announced Shon-tsu Fo-Shang, the Minister of Health. --------- [ BACK ]


 

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