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(Photo by I. Stoalit)

Hillary Rosen, of RIAA, not related to sober gay Jewish male.
(7/23/01-Token white guy Stan Smith)

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) sent a press release to all major media outlets today vehemently denying that Hilary Rosen, outspoken leader of the RIAA, is the sister of a sober gay Jewish male.

"We would like to hereby clearly state that Ms. Rosen is not related to anyone who is either sober, gay, Jewish, or male. She is an intelligent, charming, and wonderful daughter of David who is miffed at Web sites that have popped up tying Ms. Rosen to unsavory types. Our lawyers, led by Ms. Rosen, have sent a passel of letters to this blasphemer"

However, Mr. Ira Rosen, a self defined "47 year old, 6 ft BIG BEAR, who has brown hair & eyes" is incensed that the RIAA sent him a letter. "My name is Ira Rosen, soul- and blood-brother of Hilary Rosen. Her attempts to reject me are causing all sorts of distress in my life. Now I need to find a burly lawyer who is willing to do some Pro-Bono work late at night at my summer cottage, relaxing under the stars, drinking some Mike's Hard Lemonade, and listening to kd lang CD's."

Ira Rosen has gone on record on numerous occasions to affirm that he is not affiliated with the Napster music trading syndicate and that he in no way is attempting to tarnish Ms. Rosens reputation. His allegation that his relation to Ms. Rosen is purely family motivated.

Mr. Rosen's web site ( has received more action since the RIAA press release was announced than a 2 dicked billy goat at the county fair. "I think I need to put up some web advertising or something. It just seems that advertisers are looking for a target audience other than sober gay Jewish males." When asked if this was simply a ploy to drive curiosity seekers to his web site, Mr. Rosen burst out in anger: "You dare question my life long relationship with Hilary Rosen? We've attended Synagogue together for years. We both watched Schindler's List and left the theatre crying like 12 year old girls who just found out their parents were masochistic love-slaves of Herb Alpert. AND the Tijuana Brass!"

It is obvious that Mr. Rosen's web site has caused Hilary Rosen great distress. For a woman who is leading the charge against the free dissemination of music and the pursuit of making music less accessible to the public, it is interesting that she would now take the time to address this. Her lobbying on Capitol Hill for laws apparently banning all forms of music where the RIAA doesn't have exclusive rights has kept her a very busy woman. Her high profile attacks on Napster are well documented.

Her press release has little to say about the rationale of the charges other than to say: "...not continue...the [fight]...against all God fearing people". What these edited words really mean are hard to decipher, other than perhaps her admittance that the modern music distribution channels are unbeatable.

Asked for his opinion on MP3's and file swapping, Ira Rosen has only this to say: "If it brings Hilary back to the family, then I'm for or against whatever it is that I should be for or against. Come back Hilary. Come Back." --------- [ BACK ]


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