HumorCafe's Odd Ball Press
"
The presence of a method does not exclude the fact that it is indeed madness!"

In Other News

Daring Escape Foiled By Zoo Officials

Associated Press July 23, 2001

(7/23/01- Sinta B. Diddlin)

(Photo by I. Stoalit)

Zoo officials claim an endangered tortoise from Madagascar is slowly returning to his home at the Indianapolis Zoo about a week after he was apparently stolen from an exhibit. However, a startling revelation has surfaced in which claims have been made that the 17-year- old radiated tortoise, who was found in a small park on the North side, actually planned, designed, and implemented his own escape plan after 12 years of imprisonment at the local zoo.


Escape route in purple.

Nick-named Mad Fingers for repeatedly flipping the bird at Federal Marshal's who had cornered him in a bog pond near 16th St. and White River, after an escape attempt 12 years ago. 

Prior to incarceration Fingers, then known as Benny 'Da Feet' Gravano "rolled over for government officials after being accused of smuggling himself out of Madagascar through the pet trade."

The Other Side Bar

Check Out these other Sections At
The Humor Cafe

Free Games

Funny Pictures

Mitch Pix

Daily Cartoons

Jokes & Humor

Click Da Clown, Fool!
Return To Humor Cafe

Da feet entered witness protection to avoid persecution from unnamed High Ranking parties still active in the Wildlife Preservation Organization. Fingers became known as Lenny 'The Feet Gavano 'in order to avoid contact with associates from his former life. He was set up comfortably in Tucson Arizona for several years until he was implemented in a large scale racketeering operation involving the Floridian Bull Frog Mafia. He and members of the Bull Frog contingent were Captured at the Hotel Congress in down town Tucson, drinking Latte's. Lenny pled guilty to multiple charges of assault, extortion, and large scale blow fly distribution.

Fingers says of his recent escape "My plan would have worked too, if it weren't for those meddling kids." referring to his hijacking of a baby carriage, in which, he snaffooed an unsuspecting aging couple into believing he was their grandsons stuffed Marion County Fair prize. Fingers decimated the similar looking turtle the child had been carrying - dismembering it, and leaving the carcass behind in various zoo trash receptacles.

"Well, the shell seemed a little harder, and I could have sworn it was purple and green when we got to the zoo on Thursday but my eyesight sure isn't what it used to be," says the addled grandfather. "We are simply shocked!" Says grandmother. 

Mad Fingers Lenny says he was betrayed and cries foul upon his return. "Those red-ass baboons always had it in for me." Mad Fingers says. Fingers story greatly differs from propaganda he claims is being aired by the local media, stating that a conspiracy must be afoot, and that he should have been half way to Carmel by now. Zoo officials are now maintaining that the tortoise was apprehended near 62nd street after receiving an anonymous call Sunday morning.

Other claims of mistreatment are now surfacing and reports that former animal handler, Kendal Davis, was recently discharged after unsubstantiated reports of sexual misuse of various zoo animals has not yet been confirmed.

"Them Baboonzes asses was red before I even got my job here" Kendal cries. "And they're a bunch of liars to boot."

The Red-Assed Baboons declined comment on either subject. ---------- [ BACK ]


 

Tell All Your Facebook Peeps.
   

Now Share Us On Google Plus