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In Other News

As Reported by The Beaver County Militia
"We'll fight to the death to maintain our right to be non-violent"

Canada Invaded!! Amish Clear Land Of Trees! Force Canadians To Use Maple Syrup Pipline!

(General R. W. Boyce Reporting)

A Canadian plea for help went unheeded by the U.S. when it was discovered the Amish had invaded Canada. The Amish have begun an ethnic cleansing policy. Most of the French-Canadian population left when they were forced to buy maple syrup from the Amish and to wear the black clothing provided by the invading Amish forces. "We won't wear zee clothes without zee buttons! We will not eat zee French toast without zee syrup!" cried the French-Canadian refugees. It is believed the Amish wanted the French speaking Canadians to leave as they have difficulty understanding the language. Millions of refugees flooded the U.S. Canadian border, but left when they saw what the Americans were wearing. "Sacre Bleu, they are even uglier!" said one refugee. They're whereabouts remain unknown.

The next step for the Amish was to clear cut the Canadian wilderness. Indeed it has been discovered that 90% of Canada's trees had been cut down and replaced with Amish barns and farms. This forced the Canadians to purchase maple syrup from the "Canadian Pipeline". The pipeline runs from Lancaster County in Pennsylvania in the U.S. to Canada. This gives the Amish a monopoly on the syrup industry and forced Canadians to go along with the occupation or be cut-off from much needed syrup supplies. Canadian citizens are under threat of  being sent to Amish re-education camps in the U.S. if they resist. 

Left: You'll see the Canadian Pipeline. Amish have occupied the now tree-less area and have set up "Syrup Booths" forcing the Canadians to submit to their will. Note the "new" Canadian flag.

(Photo provided courtesy of the Beaver County Militia)

Some Canadians that spoke with us, under the condition that their identities not be revealed, elaborated on the occupation. "I woke up and looked out the window and all the trees were gone! I said 'Hey, where's all the trees, eh?! Then I started breakfast and couldn't find any syrup. They didn't have any at the store, and I knew I was in trouble eh. I saw everone standing in line with bottles and buckets next to this big pipeline and some hoser in black selling syrup at a booth. I said 'What gives eh? Our land used to reek with trees and now these hosers have ruined it. I wish they would just take off, eh." It was explained that the Amish had overrun government forces during the cold and flu season and everyone was drowsy from a combination of cold medication and beer. 

"Now they want to change our flag! They want us to use that triangle they use on the back of their buggies instead of the Maple Leaf. They want us to give up hockey and beer and take up quilting and cider! " cried one of our sources. "When my bother told them to 'Take Off, Eh, they took him away and I haven't seen him since." Some of the Canadians have went underground and formed pockets of resistance. "I swear on my brother's grave, I'll die before I give up hockey and beer. Oh wait!... He may not be dead yet! Sorry..."  

Left: Un-Identified Canadian Resistance fighters. 

Right: Red area on the map shows the only remaining trees in Canada. Once Canada's main resource, except for hockey.

Why the U.S. will not condemn or even acknowledge the Amish Occupation just goes to prove the involvement of the government with the UN/NWO/Amish alliance. If Canada has indeed fallen, then we are in dire straits! The Amish now have closed any avenue of escape to the north if they decide to begin take-over of these United States. If the Amish decide to move next to Mexico, this will prove that they are poised to close the pincers of Amish aggression, with us in the middle.

Can we sit idly by and let Canada fall? I say no! We are now meeting to plan a response to the Amish Occupation of Canada. We must not let our friends and neighbors to the north perish. Who then would become the 51st U.S. state?

"When they came for the French, I did nothing, because I couldn't speak French and did not like Celine Dion. 
When they came for the Canadians, I did nothing, because I was busy watching Tee Vee,
When they came for me, there was no one left to ask for help." Will this be our epitaph?

DON'T LET IT HAPPEN HERE!!  Take care and the best to you and yours,

Randy Boyce  (General R. W. Boyce, Beaver County Militia) ------- [ BACK ]


 

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